I don’t make new year resolutions. There are so many things I would like to change or improve in my life but I have noticed that when I make these resolutions, I break them almost immediately. However, I was willing to make an exception this year. My resolution was that I will meet this global economic crisis, Head on! Na fire for fire o.
During the xmas holiday, My mum showed me a newspaper interview granted by a respectable Nigerian banker. The banker said the global economic crisis would negatively affect us and he warned Nigerians to be cautious. One memorable quote I took from his interview was “you don’t stop a tidal wave by carrying a bucket”. Kai! I am in hot soup o. This man is predicting some bad sturvz men, I need to take drastic measures.
I stopped reading Thisday style (ok temporarily) and re-read books like “Think and Grow Rich”, “Richest Man in Babylon”, “Tough times don’t last but tough people do” and “Rich Dad Poor Dad” to get ideas on how to protect my fortune. (Dont ask me what fortune? Please let me continue deluding myself). You must learn to legitimately make, manage and multiply your money, these books said to me. But how can I make money as a student?
I thought of employing someone who would buy phone recharge cards in bulk at a discount and then sell it to students: Mum said it was a crap idea. I thought of supplying bread like Big Treat/Butterfield to the retailers on campus: friends thought it was too elitist. I thought of buying a bike and employing someone to be an Okada rider in Bwari while I reap the profits. Parents said bikes were too dangerous and asked what would happen if my Okada rider rode/ran away with my bike. As I was finding it hard to conceive an exceptional idea that will keep me smiling to the bank, I thought it was best to adopt another recurring theme in these books and this was to “live beneath your means”.
Yes ke! “Live beneath my means” was now my motto for 2009. No more meatpies daily. Ice cream can only be bought once a month. I will eat Cabin biscuit instead of shortbread. Car will be washed thrice a week instead of daily. I will shop more often at the market instead of the supermarket etc etc.(Are you feeling sorry for me yet). I thought I was doing well until one bug-a-boo who thinks he is my friend asked if I could live on N150 daily. “Of course”, I bellowed. Well, lets bet and see you try it tomorrow. Kai! This stupid mouth of mine that opens before I think has put me in trouble. My ego was at stake and I did not want Mr Bug-a-boo to make a mockery of me. I submitted my cash, my atm card and braced up for the challenge.
NEXT DAY
7.00am –Crooksy walked into my room to announce that I had a flat tyre and I couldn’t use my spare tyre as it wasnt properly patched. He needed N250 to patch it. The devil is a liar. If I pay N250 to patch the tyre, then I have lost the bet even before the day begins. I told Crooksy to forget about patching the tyre. I’ll walk to school today. Crooksy asked if my head was intact? Idiot! It is his head that is not intact. He said he will go and pray that the strong harmattan wind does not blow me away as I walk to class.
7.10am – My plan for the day was to buy a big N120 loaf, eat it all day and then go back and announce to Mr Bug-a-boo that I even lived on less than N150. However, I went from stall to shop at the mammy market and all the loaves were N180 and above. After costing all the cheap biscuits, I settled for the 3 for N20 Malted Milk biscuit deal. So I had biscuits and water for breakfast. Nothing do me! At least, I have N130 remaining for lunch and dinner.
7.45am – I was not allowed to enter the lecture auditorium as my shoes were dirty. Unknown to me, they had gathered dust whilst I was roaming mammy market looking for breakfast. I walked to my hostel to polish my shoes and then walked back to the auditorium. By now, the little energy I got from the biscuits had reduced sharply.
9.40am – Serious hunger started to catch me and my stomach was preparing to rumble. You see it makes noise when its empty. At first it was just a few sounds but by 10am, the full stomach orchestra was dishing out some melodious tunes. I got menacing looks from the girl sitting next to me but I always smiled back. I hoped my smile said “I had biscuits for breakfast. Look on the bright side sweety, at least I’m not farting”.
11.00am – Break time and I hitched a ride to mammy market. I needed a cure for the stomach noisemaking. After some rigorous thought, I settled for buying a N20 wrap of garri. To cut costs, I had to forgo buying sugar with it. At least, I still had N110 for lunch or dinner. I soaked the garri in a huge bowl with lots of water and sang the prayer of Jabez “Oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory”. The garri swelled and I marvelled at my own ingenuity. It was a feast. Hunger cured.
4.00pm – I was hungry again. I had thought I could hold till about 6pm so I would just have a big dinner but not so. The cheapest restaurant was selling the cheapest meal ( a plate of rice and meat for N130). Can I pay N110 for the N130 meal? How much is it without the meat? Can you sell me a half plate instead and I’ll pay half price? After some persuasion, they agreed to sell me half plate with no meat for N75. I am sure this was a first for them. Then it was time to pay and I could only see N60 in my pocket? My other N50 note had simply vanished. Can I pay N60 for this N75 half plate? Sadly, I was out of luck and I was kicked out of the place.
4.15pm- I went to Mama Indomie’s place with the intention of buying her N50 Indomie. Unfortunately, her stall was closed. My last option was to go back and buy the N20 wrap of garri. At least, I can also afford to buy N20 sugar with it this time. Whilst I was buying the garri, the shop attendant told me that the juices I had been bugging them for had arrived. Why is the Dangote Group doing like this? I was hooked on their Dansa fruit juices. Just when I was thinking of going to rehab to cure this addiction, they outdid themselves by introducing some exotic flavour combinations(Peach, Pineapple and Coconut, Tropical ,Orange and Mango etc). As if that was not enough, they had just introduced this delightful Ziza Milk drink into the market. ALL THESE DRINKS WERE IN THE SHOP.
This was the last lap but I had a serious dilemma. Should I buy the garri and probably win my bet or Should I just jump at these lovely delicious drinks that I had been craving to drink for a while? I stuck to the garri and soaked it in a mighty pool of water to enlarge and I drank it. I won my bet. I went to bed early. I must confess though that I did not sleep well. I had far more garri than my stomach could contain and it was just swimming in the ocean of water in my stomach all night. Guess the first thing I did the next day when the limitation on my spending had been taken away.
During the xmas holiday, My mum showed me a newspaper interview granted by a respectable Nigerian banker. The banker said the global economic crisis would negatively affect us and he warned Nigerians to be cautious. One memorable quote I took from his interview was “you don’t stop a tidal wave by carrying a bucket”. Kai! I am in hot soup o. This man is predicting some bad sturvz men, I need to take drastic measures.
I stopped reading Thisday style (ok temporarily) and re-read books like “Think and Grow Rich”, “Richest Man in Babylon”, “Tough times don’t last but tough people do” and “Rich Dad Poor Dad” to get ideas on how to protect my fortune. (Dont ask me what fortune? Please let me continue deluding myself). You must learn to legitimately make, manage and multiply your money, these books said to me. But how can I make money as a student?
I thought of employing someone who would buy phone recharge cards in bulk at a discount and then sell it to students: Mum said it was a crap idea. I thought of supplying bread like Big Treat/Butterfield to the retailers on campus: friends thought it was too elitist. I thought of buying a bike and employing someone to be an Okada rider in Bwari while I reap the profits. Parents said bikes were too dangerous and asked what would happen if my Okada rider rode/ran away with my bike. As I was finding it hard to conceive an exceptional idea that will keep me smiling to the bank, I thought it was best to adopt another recurring theme in these books and this was to “live beneath your means”.
Yes ke! “Live beneath my means” was now my motto for 2009. No more meatpies daily. Ice cream can only be bought once a month. I will eat Cabin biscuit instead of shortbread. Car will be washed thrice a week instead of daily. I will shop more often at the market instead of the supermarket etc etc.(Are you feeling sorry for me yet). I thought I was doing well until one bug-a-boo who thinks he is my friend asked if I could live on N150 daily. “Of course”, I bellowed. Well, lets bet and see you try it tomorrow. Kai! This stupid mouth of mine that opens before I think has put me in trouble. My ego was at stake and I did not want Mr Bug-a-boo to make a mockery of me. I submitted my cash, my atm card and braced up for the challenge.
NEXT DAY
7.00am –Crooksy walked into my room to announce that I had a flat tyre and I couldn’t use my spare tyre as it wasnt properly patched. He needed N250 to patch it. The devil is a liar. If I pay N250 to patch the tyre, then I have lost the bet even before the day begins. I told Crooksy to forget about patching the tyre. I’ll walk to school today. Crooksy asked if my head was intact? Idiot! It is his head that is not intact. He said he will go and pray that the strong harmattan wind does not blow me away as I walk to class.
7.10am – My plan for the day was to buy a big N120 loaf, eat it all day and then go back and announce to Mr Bug-a-boo that I even lived on less than N150. However, I went from stall to shop at the mammy market and all the loaves were N180 and above. After costing all the cheap biscuits, I settled for the 3 for N20 Malted Milk biscuit deal. So I had biscuits and water for breakfast. Nothing do me! At least, I have N130 remaining for lunch and dinner.
7.45am – I was not allowed to enter the lecture auditorium as my shoes were dirty. Unknown to me, they had gathered dust whilst I was roaming mammy market looking for breakfast. I walked to my hostel to polish my shoes and then walked back to the auditorium. By now, the little energy I got from the biscuits had reduced sharply.
9.40am – Serious hunger started to catch me and my stomach was preparing to rumble. You see it makes noise when its empty. At first it was just a few sounds but by 10am, the full stomach orchestra was dishing out some melodious tunes. I got menacing looks from the girl sitting next to me but I always smiled back. I hoped my smile said “I had biscuits for breakfast. Look on the bright side sweety, at least I’m not farting”.
11.00am – Break time and I hitched a ride to mammy market. I needed a cure for the stomach noisemaking. After some rigorous thought, I settled for buying a N20 wrap of garri. To cut costs, I had to forgo buying sugar with it. At least, I still had N110 for lunch or dinner. I soaked the garri in a huge bowl with lots of water and sang the prayer of Jabez “Oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory”. The garri swelled and I marvelled at my own ingenuity. It was a feast. Hunger cured.
4.00pm – I was hungry again. I had thought I could hold till about 6pm so I would just have a big dinner but not so. The cheapest restaurant was selling the cheapest meal ( a plate of rice and meat for N130). Can I pay N110 for the N130 meal? How much is it without the meat? Can you sell me a half plate instead and I’ll pay half price? After some persuasion, they agreed to sell me half plate with no meat for N75. I am sure this was a first for them. Then it was time to pay and I could only see N60 in my pocket? My other N50 note had simply vanished. Can I pay N60 for this N75 half plate? Sadly, I was out of luck and I was kicked out of the place.
4.15pm- I went to Mama Indomie’s place with the intention of buying her N50 Indomie. Unfortunately, her stall was closed. My last option was to go back and buy the N20 wrap of garri. At least, I can also afford to buy N20 sugar with it this time. Whilst I was buying the garri, the shop attendant told me that the juices I had been bugging them for had arrived. Why is the Dangote Group doing like this? I was hooked on their Dansa fruit juices. Just when I was thinking of going to rehab to cure this addiction, they outdid themselves by introducing some exotic flavour combinations(Peach, Pineapple and Coconut, Tropical ,Orange and Mango etc). As if that was not enough, they had just introduced this delightful Ziza Milk drink into the market. ALL THESE DRINKS WERE IN THE SHOP.
This was the last lap but I had a serious dilemma. Should I buy the garri and probably win my bet or Should I just jump at these lovely delicious drinks that I had been craving to drink for a while? I stuck to the garri and soaked it in a mighty pool of water to enlarge and I drank it. I won my bet. I went to bed early. I must confess though that I did not sleep well. I had far more garri than my stomach could contain and it was just swimming in the ocean of water in my stomach all night. Guess the first thing I did the next day when the limitation on my spending had been taken away.
