I should post the second part of Mama ni yen but that will come later in the week. I just have to post this ad that I saw on page 82 of today's punch.
A man is wanted for committing fraud to the tune of 46.1million naira and below is how the Nigerian Police describe the man.
"Occupation:Banker, Tribe:Yoruba, Age:49yrs, Nose: Upturned, Height:5.8, Mouth:Large, Lips:Thick, Build:Heavy, Teeth:Good, Face:Oval,Eye:Brown, Complexion:Dark, Chin:Round, Hair:Thick, Head:Large, Forehead: High, Habits and mannerisms:Playful and reading novel, Dress:English and Yoruba, Place frequented:Beer parlour"
Monday, June 15, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Mama ni yen (1) !!!!
This is the term that we used to hail the Judge whose court I've been attached to in the past weeks. Judges are reputed to be firm, stern and boring. Our Judge aka Mama ni yen was everything but boring. Frankly I think she missed her calling: she should have been an entertainer.These are some of my memorable moments from Mama's court.
1) A lawyer stood up to open his case and first praised Mama for some awards she had just been given.He then asked that in view of modern practice where women are now being accepted at the Bar, would it be more appropriate to address her as "My lady" instead of "My Lord". Mama snapped. "Which yeye modern practice?, why is it that only men ask me this question? It is because they are not comfortable calling a woman My Lord. Whether you like it or not, I am your Lord." She then pointed to every male lawyer in court and chanted "I AM YOUR LORD, I AM YOUR LORD" to each and every one of them.
2) A soldier was being cross examined by a lawyer and he lost his temper and shouted at the lawyer. Mama just shouted "ehn, ehn, where do you think you are ? This is not the barracks o! Ma ju e si ewon lo ni (I will throw you in jail today). "Go and ask your seniors at the barracks about me, mo man juwon si ewon sere ni, ma ni ki won ti cell yen pa ko ju key yen nu.( I throw them in jail for fun, I'll ask them to lock up the cell and throw the key away). Soldier knelt down and started begging for forgiveness. I guess he had met his match.
3) A counsel closed her case and Mama said her closing remarks were good and that the counsel was also looking beautiful. Opposing counsel who was male stood up to complain that Mama said the female lawyer was beautiful. Mama's reply was " If I say she is beautiful, what is your business? Or you want to marry her? Is it my fault that you are not as beautiful". Everyone in court just burst into laughter.
4) A couple came to court for a divorce. It was a complex case sha but after hearing, Mama retired to write her judgement and we(students) followed her to her office. The female students now raised the point that from the couple's demeanour, they did not want a divorce. They suggested that Mama should get together with the couple and try and reconcile them. Mama said "Look at my head properly, Does it say Archbishop Desmond Tutu reconciliation committee or Justice Oputa panel, won wa kin tun won ka, ma si tu won ka. (They came to court to be separated/torn apart and I will do just that.
As usual, we hailed! Mama ni yen!
1) A lawyer stood up to open his case and first praised Mama for some awards she had just been given.He then asked that in view of modern practice where women are now being accepted at the Bar, would it be more appropriate to address her as "My lady" instead of "My Lord". Mama snapped. "Which yeye modern practice?, why is it that only men ask me this question? It is because they are not comfortable calling a woman My Lord. Whether you like it or not, I am your Lord." She then pointed to every male lawyer in court and chanted "I AM YOUR LORD, I AM YOUR LORD" to each and every one of them.
2) A soldier was being cross examined by a lawyer and he lost his temper and shouted at the lawyer. Mama just shouted "ehn, ehn, where do you think you are ? This is not the barracks o! Ma ju e si ewon lo ni (I will throw you in jail today). "Go and ask your seniors at the barracks about me, mo man juwon si ewon sere ni, ma ni ki won ti cell yen pa ko ju key yen nu.( I throw them in jail for fun, I'll ask them to lock up the cell and throw the key away). Soldier knelt down and started begging for forgiveness. I guess he had met his match.
3) A counsel closed her case and Mama said her closing remarks were good and that the counsel was also looking beautiful. Opposing counsel who was male stood up to complain that Mama said the female lawyer was beautiful. Mama's reply was " If I say she is beautiful, what is your business? Or you want to marry her? Is it my fault that you are not as beautiful". Everyone in court just burst into laughter.
4) A couple came to court for a divorce. It was a complex case sha but after hearing, Mama retired to write her judgement and we(students) followed her to her office. The female students now raised the point that from the couple's demeanour, they did not want a divorce. They suggested that Mama should get together with the couple and try and reconcile them. Mama said "Look at my head properly, Does it say Archbishop Desmond Tutu reconciliation committee or Justice Oputa panel, won wa kin tun won ka, ma si tu won ka. (They came to court to be separated/torn apart and I will do just that.
As usual, we hailed! Mama ni yen!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Lily livered law students !!!
"IT TAKES 15 TREES TO PRODUCE THE AMOUNT OF PAPER THAT LAW SCHOOL USES TO WRITE ONE EXAM. JOIN US IN RE-BRANDING AND SAVING NIGERIAN TREES... SAY NO TO BAR FINAL EXAMS" ANON
I have been forwarding the message above as a text message to my friends who are all stressed out because bar finals is fast approaching. I was expecting them to jump at this golden opportunity but their responses have been largely uninspiring.
"Right after you darling", "lol,let me know how it goes", "you are on your own" and "let's get our certificate first and we can then rebrand" are some of the responses I've received. What kind of spineless lawyers are we breeding ? Lawyers were at the forefront in Nigeria's struggle for independence. Lawyers fought the military regimes in Nigeria to a stand still.
I fear for my own generation. They can't even be counted on to stand up against an exam we all dread. Society should not expect much from them.
I have been forwarding the message above as a text message to my friends who are all stressed out because bar finals is fast approaching. I was expecting them to jump at this golden opportunity but their responses have been largely uninspiring.
"Right after you darling", "lol,let me know how it goes", "you are on your own" and "let's get our certificate first and we can then rebrand" are some of the responses I've received. What kind of spineless lawyers are we breeding ? Lawyers were at the forefront in Nigeria's struggle for independence. Lawyers fought the military regimes in Nigeria to a stand still.
I fear for my own generation. They can't even be counted on to stand up against an exam we all dread. Society should not expect much from them.
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