Someone has cursed me! As we say here, someone has jujued/jazzed me! I suspect Afeez. He prefers to be called "Engineer Afeez". "Engineer Afeez" is the handyman who fixes car a/cs in Bwari. His business card reads Engineer Afeez, Chairman Afeezola Group of Companies. Then the business card goes on to list each company in Afeez’s empire. “Afeezola Engineering”, Afeezola Electrical, Afeezola Electric repair, Afeezola AC repair international”.
I had a problem with my car a/c and so I was directed to Afeez. As soon as I met him, it was obvious that he was a man with an exaggerated view of himself. He told me that he was a busy man but gave me his business card and asked me to call him to fix an appointment. “Oga Afeez, I don’t want to waste credit calling you, please tell me a convenient time for the appointment and I will come back then.” but he insisted I must "follow protocol".
I went back to school and then gave him a call only for him to tell me to come back in 30mins. I was angry. I mean he could just have told me to come back in 30mins, I didnt need to call him. I got there in 30mins and he was not there. I waited for a while and when it was getting too long, I called him and he told me not wait for him, he was fixing the car a/c of “Senator ABC who is a VIP and na big customer”. I called him the next day and we had a gentlemanly chat. He said he could squeeze me at the end of the day after finishing the work he is doing on “ the Minister of so and so’s” fleet of cars.
I got there at the appointed time but Afeez was nowhere to be found. I called several times but he didn’t pick up. I asked a guy who worked there where I could find Afeez. He said he didn’t know. I gave him N50 and his memory suddenly came alive. He directed me to a beer parlour that was neatly tucked in a corner opposite Afeez’s shed. I got there and Afeez was downing a bottle of star. He said I should call the next day to fix a time but from my previous experiences, I knew I could call and he could tell me nonsense like he is in America fixing “Obama’s a/c”. I promised to buy him 3 bottles of star if he fixed the a/c that evening and the offer worked. He did some work on the a/c and it started working. I paid him and he asked about the bottles of beer. "U don see mugu! My friend, get out of the car jo. You made me wait endlessly while you were enjoying your beer”. He felt duped!!!
The a/c worked properly in the morning but it stopped being effective by the afternoon when it became really hot. I had to go back to Afeez. I was certain that he would still be displeased about what occurred the previous day and may not want to fix it. My friend recommended that I go to Bwari market to hire a few thugs. He asked me to supply them with enough ogogoro and take them to Afeez’s shed to “shake him”. "By the time they shake him properly, he will fix your a/c well", my friend concluded. I settled for the less confrontational option of going with an elderly student in his own car. The elderly man pretended that his jeep had an a/c problem but Afeez could only fix it on our campus as the man had an important meeting there. Afeez jumped into the car. None of the nonsense of booking appointment etc. We went to our campus and drove straight to the police station on campus where my car was parked and its a/c waiting to be fixed.
Two policemen were standing by the car. We had become friends when I gave them a lift to Bwari weeks back. The elderly student dropped us and sped off. I told Afeez to please fix my a/c again. Anger was written all over his face but with 2 police officers watching over him, he had to work. After a while, he said the a/c had been fixed. I tested it but it was not cool enough and told him to please do it again. “Let it be so cool so that anyone who is in the car while it is on can easily sleep off”.
Since then I have been suffering from the most acute form of sleeping sickness. I sleep in class. I sleep in the library. I sleep immediately after siesta and the other day, I was nodding off whilst driving. I knew things were really bad one day when I went to the toilet to sit on my throne and before I knew it I was snoozing there too. The funny thing is I am not tired or exhausted, just permanently sleepy. I was complaining to my room mate about this sleeping disease and he advised me to “take it to the Lord in prayer”. I tried that too and I said “In Jesus Name” and slept off only to wake up the next morning to add the “Amen”.
Now I am worried that I am sleeping my future away. I need help. Any ideas? Eating the humble pie and going to pacify Afeez is not an option. Also drinks like lucozade boost, ribena, red bull and coffee have not worked so far. I have drank them and still slept immediately afterwards.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
How to motivate Men to buy law books ?
In class the other day, A lecturer wanted to sell us his newly written textbook. Whilst most students did not echo it out loudly, I am sure they were thinking “Oh no – not another latin riddled book with so much legal mumbo jumbo or legal mama jama (make your choice). I am not buying it jo".
Actually, our lecturer was feigning some form of false modesty. He got his colleague to come up and market the book to students. I think his colleague did a great job, at least he succeeded in blowing some big big grammar. However, he left out a crucial piece of information. He finished his sermon and prepared to leave his pulpit when students all chorused “HOW MUCH?”. His reply was "only N2 500". This time the students did not curse the author under their breath – they loudly protested that the cost was too much. He then made the points below.
You don’t look at these things in term of the price but in terms of value. Hmm, He got our attention. For the gentlemen here, say you meet a pretty lady on the campus and you are interested & you want to take her out (Now, he really had my attention). You have to take her to Abuja town as there is nowhere to take her to in Bwari. If you take a cab from here to town, it will cost you at least N3 000 to and fro. That is more than the price of this book. Point Made!
Say you don’t even have a car and you cannot get to borrow one. You have to go by public transport. As she is a lady and you want to give her some measure of comfort, you will have to go in an El-Rufai. (El Rufai is the name given to the coach like buses in the FCT. That will cost you N200 to and fro. You will have to pay for her journey too, as she wont be sitting on your lap just yet. You might need to take one of those small taxis from the bus park to either Tantalizers or Mr Biggs. That should cost you another N200 to and fro for both of you.
When you are in Mr Biggs/Tantalizers, you know women now they cannot eat food without chicken. If she chooses fried rice and chicken, at my conservative estimate that should cost N750. You are not going watch her eat alone are you? If you choose, you are likely to choose the same thing she chose and that is another N750. After the food, you being the gentleman will ask her if she wants anything else and she being a lady will either ask for Ice cream or order a meal that she can bring back here to Bwari in a takeaway pack. By the time you add all the costs, it would be over N2 500. Again, more than the price of this book. Point made!
Now if you have a car, at least you have to fuel it for the journey to town. 10 litres is about N650. Your pretty chikita may take the liberty of inviting two of her other friends as a journey to town is always a treat for you students. Of course, when they appear for the trip you will not be pleased as their presence would spoil whatever plans you had for the evening at worst, or at best, increase the costs you might have to bear. Of course, you wont be seeing them as your love interest’s 2 friends, you will seem them as either as 2 intruders or 2 witches. There is not much you can do about it as their friend is your target and their impression of you is important. No doubt, that you will equally spend more than N2 500.
In all of these scenarios, you have invested about or over N2 500 of your money with no guaranty of success. You dont know if the lady is fertile soil or not and if your efforts will succeed in bearing fruit. Women can eat your chicken & Ice cream even when they know you dont have a chance. If you buy this book, it is yours. It will stand by you. You can read it and it should help your understanding of this course and improve your performance at the bar finals.
During the break, I went to the law school bookshop (not to buy the book I promise) and I saw a long queue of men waiting to buy the textbook. My goodness! They had seen the light!
Actually, our lecturer was feigning some form of false modesty. He got his colleague to come up and market the book to students. I think his colleague did a great job, at least he succeeded in blowing some big big grammar. However, he left out a crucial piece of information. He finished his sermon and prepared to leave his pulpit when students all chorused “HOW MUCH?”. His reply was "only N2 500". This time the students did not curse the author under their breath – they loudly protested that the cost was too much. He then made the points below.
You don’t look at these things in term of the price but in terms of value. Hmm, He got our attention. For the gentlemen here, say you meet a pretty lady on the campus and you are interested & you want to take her out (Now, he really had my attention). You have to take her to Abuja town as there is nowhere to take her to in Bwari. If you take a cab from here to town, it will cost you at least N3 000 to and fro. That is more than the price of this book. Point Made!
Say you don’t even have a car and you cannot get to borrow one. You have to go by public transport. As she is a lady and you want to give her some measure of comfort, you will have to go in an El-Rufai. (El Rufai is the name given to the coach like buses in the FCT. That will cost you N200 to and fro. You will have to pay for her journey too, as she wont be sitting on your lap just yet. You might need to take one of those small taxis from the bus park to either Tantalizers or Mr Biggs. That should cost you another N200 to and fro for both of you.
When you are in Mr Biggs/Tantalizers, you know women now they cannot eat food without chicken. If she chooses fried rice and chicken, at my conservative estimate that should cost N750. You are not going watch her eat alone are you? If you choose, you are likely to choose the same thing she chose and that is another N750. After the food, you being the gentleman will ask her if she wants anything else and she being a lady will either ask for Ice cream or order a meal that she can bring back here to Bwari in a takeaway pack. By the time you add all the costs, it would be over N2 500. Again, more than the price of this book. Point made!
Now if you have a car, at least you have to fuel it for the journey to town. 10 litres is about N650. Your pretty chikita may take the liberty of inviting two of her other friends as a journey to town is always a treat for you students. Of course, when they appear for the trip you will not be pleased as their presence would spoil whatever plans you had for the evening at worst, or at best, increase the costs you might have to bear. Of course, you wont be seeing them as your love interest’s 2 friends, you will seem them as either as 2 intruders or 2 witches. There is not much you can do about it as their friend is your target and their impression of you is important. No doubt, that you will equally spend more than N2 500.
In all of these scenarios, you have invested about or over N2 500 of your money with no guaranty of success. You dont know if the lady is fertile soil or not and if your efforts will succeed in bearing fruit. Women can eat your chicken & Ice cream even when they know you dont have a chance. If you buy this book, it is yours. It will stand by you. You can read it and it should help your understanding of this course and improve your performance at the bar finals.
During the break, I went to the law school bookshop (not to buy the book I promise) and I saw a long queue of men waiting to buy the textbook. My goodness! They had seen the light!
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