Bwari Boy: May 2009

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Orisirisi !!!

Orisirisi when translated to English means all sorts. That's what I experienced 2 weeks ago. I should have blogged about it in my last post but I had to first pay tribute to the world's greatest airline.

I went to MTN's office to solve a problem with my phone. There was only one baba in front of me. I didn't pay much attention till I heard him say " I WILL NOT GO TODAY TILL I COLLECT MY ONE MILLION NAIRA".
The gbeborun in me woke up.The MTN staff was telling the man that he would call security. The man told him to go ahead and then he lay on the floor saying no one will move him. He said "MTN give me the one million I won". The MTN staff, obviously annoyed, said "you did not win anything its a scam". The man said but the text has your "wesbite" on it. MTN staff corrected him and said its called a website, the website on that text is not MTN's website and we don't text our winners, we call them.

It dawned on me that the man got a text saying that he had won 1million naira in one of MTN's promotional bonanzas but the text was not from mtn and so he had not won anything. Poor Baba! He probably spent all his money the day before buying drinks for his friends thinking he was a millionaire. Maybe he was rude to his landlord, Maybe he planned to marry another wife, maybe ..... Baba thought he was a millionaire and he came to MTN with a retinue of people. Sadly, he left in tears.

I was driving back from court the next day and I stopped at Butterfield's bakery to get piping hot bread to keep me company whilst navigating through horrible traffic.I had to sit at the lobby for them to bring the bread from the oven. As soon as I sat the guy next to me said with a strong american accent "My o my, what a handsome,adorable man you are .. the last time I saw a face so beautiful and radiant was during Obama's inaugaration" and then he sort of caressed my hand.

Why o why? Why isn't a babe telling me this ? My initial thought was that gay guys are more bold these day. I wished I was wearing a shirt that said "No offence sir, I like boobs and you don't have any". I just pretended to the guy that I did not understand english and politely stood up. It turned out he was trying to sell me something but don't come at with that kind of style next time.

The other day, I went to the market to get some cds. By the time I got back to the car, one of the tyres had been clamped so I could not move.Some men wearing the state waste management authority uniform approached me. Apparently, I should not have parked where I did and my fine was N25 000.

I asked them if there was a no parking sign there or around there. They said NO! I asked if the car was obstructing traffic, they said NO. So I asked in yoruba "Bawo ni e se le dagba toyi ke ma le lorun?" (how can you be so old and not be able to think?). Actually, I wanted to say "how can you be so old and so daft?"but my yoruba failed me at that moment.In any case, they were waste management people, should they not be responsible for ensuring the dirty city is clean instead of clamping innocent people's car.

They did not budge. I told them I did not have the money. So they said they will take anything. I told them that I had nothing and that they could take the car. I spoke to their conscience and eventually started walking off mumbling that I was going to get my whole household to swear for them. It shall not be well with them! They quickly called me back and said I could drive the car. They probably thought I am a member of some powerful babalawo family.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Aero Wonderful! Aero Beautiful! Aero Marvellous!

If I was paid N1 for every time I heard the phrase "credit crisis" or "economic meltdown", I will be a millionaire now. My response has always been "economic meltdown, what economic meltdown?, not in naija men. We really don't have a credit culture, few mortgages etc.

I've been eating my words lately. Everything is on the high side these days and I've been told "economic meltdown" is responsible.Fuel is scarce and selling at N100 instead of N65. Na meltdown and subsidy something cause am.

I went to a supermarket to get the things I had priced the week before and the prices had gone up. The exercise book was N1000(from 750), shaving blades were N1650(from N1000) and rechargeable lamp was N3 500(from N2 500). I didn't plan for this increase and so dropped an item but I was warned by the shop attendant that its price might have risen the next time I come to buy.

Then Aerocontractors (Nigerian airline known as AER0 ) came into the scene to buck this horrible trend of price increases.It started some weeks before vals day and Aero was selling its tickets at N2 500 return. As in this was cheaper than luxurious buses. Men, love was in the air (no pun intended). Since then aero has still kept its prices low so far you buy the tickets 2 weeks in advance. Its flights within Nigeria cost as little as N7000 return whilst other airlines are still charging between 16000 and N22 OOO.You can also go to Ghana for N7 OOO too.

These shop owners can raise their prices all they like. I will just wait till the end of the month and fly into Ghana one morning to buy all the things I need and then get the evening flight back. It might work out cheaper. Now, that's a thought!